Midnight Farce

I AM IN LOVE!!!

This is what everyone is hell bent on convincing me about, especially since the NOTTING HILL episode (which, mind you, has not reached its climax yet). First Saffrondude, then Ad Libber and then a train of people who picked up this idea from somewhere. On Independence Day, Mr. Procrastinator (alias Narcissist) asked me who my first ‘crush’ at ISM was. Then, the very next night AL came up with the same question, straight out of the blue, that too at 2.00 a.m.!

AL was recounting the events of yesterday on ‘Raksha Bandhan’ with his ‘mu boli behen’ and how they ran into three other ‘mu-boli bhai behen’ couples and what happened thereafter. But that will be relived some other day as it has nothing to do with the eccentric conversation which followed, and which lasted more than an hour.

Here are some excerpts:

AL (suddenly): Who was your first crush in ISM?

Me: WHAT???

AL: Have you had a crush in ISM? (has a goofy smile on his face)

Me: Yes (I surprised myself with that answer. YES? Why did I say yes?)

AL: You have? (His mouth ends up in a big ‘O’, obviously startled)

Who was it? (shouts it out)

Me: I am not telling.

AL: Why not?

Me: I don’t know. Just forget it.

AL: This is news. Come on, don’t be a jack-ass. Tell me who it is. I’ll not tell anyone.

Me: No.

AL(trying to emotionally blackmail me): I am your friend. You should share things with your friends.

Me: I’ve no problem sharing things, but these are thoughts and feelings.

AL: A**hole!

OK. There are 15 possibilities. No wait. Is it a senior?

Me: No.

AL: And obviously it cannot be a junior because you don’t know anyone. But then, you don’t need to know someone to have a crush.

Me (trying to take the conversation out of these dangerous waters): I like Speed of Sound by Coldplay (and I play the song).

AL: Don’t talk shit. Answer my questions.

Is it someone who is already committed?

Me: No comments.

AL: ‘No comments’ means yes.

Me: No, it does not.

AL: So, it’s a no.

Me: No comments.

AL: How many are committed now? Six as far as I know. So, that leaves nine. Wait. Come on, tell me, is she committed or not?

Me: No, I think. Well, I hope not.

AL: That means this crush is still there.

Me: No comments.

AL: F**k! You still have that crush. Have you ever spoken to her?

Me: Huh? How does that matter?

AL: It matters. Tell.

Me: Sort of eliminates half the list if I answer that. I won’t answer that.

AL: What the f**k? Give some clue, at least. (pesters me for about 10 minutes for a clue)

Me(giving in to his pestering): Her name ends with the letter ‘A’

AL: Ahh! Now we are talking.

(After about a minute’s contemplation bursts out): A**hole! Everyone’s name ends with ‘A’. Only 3 people’s does not. OK. At least it brings the list of probables down to six.

(Is silent for a while. Then again explodes): Tell me who it is. You should. This is bad. I am your friend.

Me: I am not telling.

AL(asks again): Just tell me this. Have you spoken to her or not?

Me: Nopes. I mean I am not telling.

AL(starts making a list of girls whom I have spoken to and ends up making an inaccurate one, thankfully): Which branch is she in?

Me: Will become too easy if I answer that.

AL: Is it MD?

Me: What? (surprised that that came up) What makes you think that it is so?

AL: Is it or not?

Me: (shaking my head) I am not telling anything else to you. Go to sleep. I got new pillow covers, need to use them.

AL: OK. Tell something about her.

Me: I need to know them to tell anything about them.

AL: Come on. Say something. What is the point hiding?

Me: Can you read body language?

AL: No. (Thank goodness. If he could, he would have got the answer by now.)

(after a pause): I am going to guess one name. You just say ‘yes’ if I am right. Nothing else. Deal?

Me: No way.

AL: You are useless. You know, if you tell me I can help you move things forward.

Me (almost tempted to give it away): NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Let it be.

AL: Is it crush or is it love?

Me: What is the difference?

AL: Crush is more a temporary phase.

Since when is this there? Since first year?

Me: Hmmm. I don’t know what it is. Forget it.

AL: Come on, man. Just let it out. Pleeease!

Me: Not telling.

AL: Fine! I am going. You wasted an hour of mine. F**K OFF!

Me: Yes. I did.

(and AL leaves)

It was around 3 a.m. when he finally left and I dozed off immediately. Readers of my blog, you are the best judge. If I was in love or had a crush, wouldn’t I be wide awake throughout the night thinking about her rather than sleep like a baby?

P.S. Any girl who has started imagining things, I ask you to please continue to do so. And if, in the unlikely event, you have a crush on me (which I cannot imagine WHY), please express it as you cannot expect the same from me.