Random Observations of a Primate stuck in a tree in a sweltering Summer afternoon

The good thing about summer vacations is that they are so long (2 months for me), when you can learn something new and catch up with friends and relatives. The bad thing about them is they are so long, you get bored sitting at home or going to the same places over and over again. It is like you actually have too much of a good thing. Hell, it has only been 10 days or so, 50 more to go, I shall go mad by the end of it.

Some of my more enterprising friends and college-mates are doing projects. Some have even gone abroad for them. Good Luck to them, huh!!!

I have been acting as guide to two of them showing them around the city, you know the usual places- Victoria Memorial, Esplanade, Science City, Nicco Park, blah blah blah. Plans ahead :- Botanical Gardens, Eden Gardens for a match, Digha, Darjeeling, North-East India, Italy, Moon….I better stop. It seems they are doing more traveling than project-work. Suits me!

There are still others who have gone for industrial training for a first hand experience of how the job is done by the big shots, some enjoying it at exotic spots like Goa, others ruing it either because they have made a bad choice or due to plain bad luck have ended up at a crap place. My sympathy lies with them, and my advice that from next time “apna dimaag lagao, doosron ke baton pe mat jaao”. (It is meant for a couple of people, so if you are reading this, you will know I am talking to you. No hard feelings. :-)

Finally, there is the breed of procrastinators like me who decided: “WHAT THE HECK! ENJOY YOUR TIME AT HOME.” Mind you, I am not exactly partying away, I am getting some work done, only it seems to be lacking in direction at the moment. It involves Earthquakes!!! What else do you expect from a student of GEOPHYSICS?

Talking of enjoying, I am enjoying the regular storms (norwesters or kalbaisakhi as they call them) in the recent past. Too bad for the uprooted trees though. Got stuck in one of these when I was at Landmark yesterday with a couple of friends. So, we went back inside again.

Got my hands on two interesting books while I was there:

1. HOW TO RUIN YOUR LIFE.

2. HOW TO RUIN YOUR LOVE LIFE.

The inspirational author was Ben Stein.

Here are some excerpts from the CONTENTS pages of the books: (The one’s in bold are those which I especially liked)

First, "HOW TO RUIN YOUR LIFE"

• DON’T LEARN ANY USEFUL SKILLS
• CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE
• KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL WISDOM
• TREAT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD TO YOU BADLY
• HANG OUT WITH THE WRONG CROWD
• USE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL FREELY
• KNOW THAT THE RULES OF REASONABLE, DECENT CONDUCT DO NOT APPLY TO YOU
• LIVE AS IF TRUTH IS RELATIVE- A DISTANT RELATIVE
• SHOW EVERYONE AROUND YOU THAT YOU ARE HOLIER THAN THOU

Once I had ruined my life, I went over to ruining my “LOVE LIFE”, which, of course, is non-existent.....as of now.

• REST ASSURED THAT YOU KNOW BETTER ABOUT EVERY SUBJECT THAN YOUR LOVER
• POINT OUT YOUR LOVER’S IMPERFECTIONS IN PUBLIC
• CARVE IT IN STONE: LOVE RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T PARTNERSHIPS, THEY ARE MASTER-SERVANT RELATIONSHIPS, AND YOU ARE THE MASTER (OR MISTRESS)
• REMEMBER THAT YOUR LOVER IS YOUR PUNCHING BAG
• PLAY PHONE GAMES- DON’T RETURN HIS/HER CALLS TO SHOW HOW COOL AND ALOOF YOU ARE
• DON’T EVER TELL YOUR LOVER “I LOVE YOU”
• ACT LIKE A BIG BABY ON DATES
• TAKE TOTAL POSSESSION OF YOUR LOVER’S HOME
• FLIRT WITH ANYONE AND EVERYONE- IN FRONT OF YOUR LOVER
• MAKE THE DECISION THAT YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY FOR MONEY- AND DON’T LET LOVE ENTER THE EQUATION
• HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR LOVER’S BEST FRIEND OR ROOM-MATE, AND TRUST THAT HE/SHE WILL NEVER FIND OUT or EVEN CARE!
• GET INVOLVED IN YOUR LOVER’S FAMILY BUSINESS
• BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART THAT THERE’S SOMEONE BETTER JUST AROUND THE CORNER AND TREAT YOUR CURRENT LOVER LIKE HE/SHE IS MERELY A TEMPORARY SUBSTITUTE FOR THE REAL THING
• WHEN THINGS ARE GOING REALLY WELL, START A FIGHT.

NOW THAT ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE ARE RUINED, I SHALL TAKE A LEAVE AND END IT HERE.….CIAO