Main pyar mein pagal ho gaya hun!

“Main pyar mein pagal ho gaya hun!
Maine faltu mein MD join kar liya.
Mujhe MD nahi join karna chahiye tha.
Main pata nahi kya kya likhte rehta hun,
Yeh log mujhe paise bhi nahi dete hain.”

This is what I had apparently spoken in my sleep yesterday, when Hims had come to my room in the night. The fact that I do not remember a word of the above does not convince anybody that I did not say it. Now, assuming I did utter these words, let’s analyze what would have made me say it.

First of all, I do not think that the first line has anything to do with the other four lines; though I have been told that they were continuous. The last four lines have probably stemmed out of the fact that I have been doing a lot of writing (letters etc.) recently for an on-going campaign. (Mailer Daemon a.k.a. MD, by the way, is the in-campus students’ newspaper and I am proud to be part of it.) I seriously don’t know where the money part came from.

Moving on to the more interesting first line of the monologue, there are several hypotheses being proposed. Here is a small selection.

1. I am actually madly in love!
With whom? My friends obviously think this is actually the case. Can someone be so special that I speak such things in my sleep? I doubt it.

2. I was having a really romantic dream.
This is the more plausible explanation for whatever I apparently said. I was the protagonist of the story and I was madly in love with this imaginary girl.

3. I am very frustrated at not having a girlfriend and have become mad.
This calls for an appointment with the psychiatrist who now sits in the Health Centre on Thursdays. Anyway, blabbering anything in my sleep is reason enough for a visit. These lines only make it more necessary.

4. There is some link between the first line and the rest of it. I have no idea how people came to that conclusion. But, there was a fair amount of debate why these two contrasting things were said together. I think I finally convinced them that it was a mere co-incidence and that the two things are light years apart and have no relation whatsoever.


What disturbs me is the fact that if this continues then there shall be no aspect of my life that shall be hidden from people. I, on the other hand, would like to keep my secrets as secrets in the future. It is always nice to have some secrets. It makes you enigmatic.

P.S. If anyone has any other hypothesis to explain this event, I urge him/her to comment.

The Tea Conundrum

I have never had tea in my life (or for that matter, coffee too). In the last few weeks, I have had two experiences when things could have become embarrassing. On Friendship Day, nine of my friends tried to force me to have a sip of Espresso. I did not relent. On another occasion, when six of us had visited an alumnus, he offered us tea. I forced DD to have my cup.

How much is this fact going to cost me in the future? Taking into account the dearth of any kind of romantic relationship in my life, my parents are sure to ask me to go and “see a girl” at some point in the future. What am I supposed to answer to my future mother-in-law when she offers me tea? “Nahi, dhanyawaad. Main Chai nahi peeta. Doodh chalega!” How silly would that sound? She’ll never agree to let her daughter marry me.

I haven’t really understood why I don’t drink tea or coffee. The most plausible reason I can think of is that I must have burnt my fingers touching a hot kettle of tea when I was a kid. Genetically speaking, I should have bucket-fulls of tea everyday because that is what my mother has. On the contrary, I have never had a sip and I intend to keep it that way for a while.