Thursday, July 14, 2011

J.K. Rowling spills the beans on Magical World

Rowling’s world of Magic real; Revelation followed by unexplained disappearance of writer.

London, July 14, 2011: Less than a day before the last of the movies in the series which has captured the imagination of children and adults alike around the world, its creator J.K. Rowling has revealed that the basic plot of the Harry Potter novels is in fact based on a true story. In a press release yesterday, Miss Rowling says, “I thank all my readers and fans who have loved and supported Harry, Ron and Hermione through their journeys, as also the makers of the movies and the actors who have brought my characters to life. After much consideration, I have come to the  conclusion that it would be unfair to hide from the world that Harry Potter and most of the characters and events in my books are, in fact, real. The wizarding world does exist, hidden from ‘muggles’, and there had really been a Lord Voldemort.”

In this startling revelation, Rowling has gone on to confess that she is in fact a Squib herself, which would explain her widespread knowledge of the magical world. For those who still have not read the books or watched the movies (and one cannot imagine why you are still alive), a squib is someone who was born of magical parents but possesses no magical power himself. She had been brought up by her wizarding parents, but had to join the Muggle world for survival, as she was ‘less than useless in the magical world’.

She has gone on to claim that many of the ‘so-called’ Lord Voldemort’s supporters are still at large around the world and are mainly responsible for what the common Muggle sees as terrorist activities. This list includes Osama bin Laden, who till last May was seen by the USA as the ‘Most-Wanted Man’ on Earth. She reveals that Osama was in fact killed by Harry Potter himself, who now works in the Auror office in the Ministry of Magic and is one of the more celebrated Aurors of the world. About Osama, Rowling says, “Osama was nowhere near Voldemort’s inner circle of terror, nothing more than a minor supporter. The fact that he let Muggles know of his existence also goes to show what a poor wizard he was. It is true that he was hiding near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border since Voldemort was finished off, for fear of being caught and had done a very good job of concealing himself. It took no less than Harry Potter to finally finish him off. Of course, the U.S. Army has taken credit for it, but anyone who is aware of the magical world will find it far-fetched that a Muggle army can kill a wizard, albeit a dim-witted one like Osama.”

However, these revelations were soon followed by the news of the mysterious and as yet unexplained disappearance of Miss Rowling from her London residence. Speculations are rife about whether she was serious in what she said or was it a massive publicity stunt just before the release of the last Potter film. The mysterious nature of her disappearance points at the former and if it is indeed true that a hidden magical world exists, one hopes that she is not tortured or her memory modified. If the magical world chooses to continue being hidden, I guess we can all expect to be subjected to Memory modification charms in the next few days.

Meanwhile, the feeling among the fans can be summed up by the comments of an avid follower, who said, “Harry Potter, if he really exists, will continue to be loved and admired as much by us
Muggles as those in the Magical World.”

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