Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Blind Date!!!

(After a lot of contemplation, I am posting this, two weeks after the actual incident. Please do not mind the delay. :-)

I went on a ‘blind’ date on my birthday. Unfortunately was ‘dumb and deaf’ too, so the two of us ended up not saying anything to each other. The presence of two other blind-daters on the same table was also annoying and completely baffled me. The whole point of going on a date was dismissed. It was boring to say the least. No offence meant to the other two people, but why didn’t you sit on another table? The whole place was empty. And why didn’t my date and I use my head as well? Guess I just go blank on dates as you will come to know if you read on (girls might think I am retarded). Mera kuch nahi ho sakta!

Random Observations Part I:

  1. None of us spoke anything remotely close to what is expected to be spoken on a date. I may be wrong. The three more experienced people, who were sitting on the same table, please correct me if I am. Wait! Yeah, we did talk about how it all started with the actual people we are committed to. As you might have guessed by now, I had nothing to contribute on this topic. So I drank lots of water.
  2. The food was terrible. Why can’t everyone eat non-veg?
  3. On one occasion, the other three people sitting on the table were all playing with their respective glasses. I followed suit. Allan Pease, expert on body language, says “Fondling a Cylindrical Object” is a sign that one finds someone around him/her interesting. Now who found who interesting in a group of four is anybody’s guess. More on body language later.
  4. There was some dispute over who is paying the bill. The other guy insisted that he pay and the girls insisted that they would pay half of it and put two hundred bucks on the table. A small skirmish was imminent. Someone (that’s me) saved the day by commenting that “table se paise hata do, nahi toh waiter tip samajh ke le jaayega”. That’s called managerial skill - calming down people and saving your money in the process.
Next in line was a trip to CCD where we ran into two more blind date couples. They looked like they had more fun than us, probably because they were alone with their respective dates.

Random Observations Part II:

  1. After having had my a** kicked a few million times in the previous two days (birthday), I was thumped on the back by a girl who looks a lot like a teddy bear.
  2. Allan Pease also says that “when a man/woman finds a person of the opposite sex interesting their foot/ knee points towards them. On this occasion, legs were pointed in all sorts of directions, so it was difficult to judge.
  3. Each of the couples was asked to do something.
  • The first sang ‘Pehla Nasha...’ and then smeared pizza on each other.
  • The second and third did something I can’t remember.
  • My date was asked to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me. How silly! She had already done that. I was asked to sing something back. Couldn’t think of anything. Should have sang something romantic.
    Instead I sang: “Golmaal hai bhai sab golmaal hai...”, which is exactly what I felt at that moment.
    Then I was asked to feed chocolate to my date, which was easy.
    Ohh! The things people come up with.
4.I did not pay anything at any point of the ‘date’, which was good.
5.
The auto-wallah took eighty rupees while returning, which I felt was too much.

4 comments:

Saffrondude said...

You actually sang "Golmaal hain bhai sab golmaal hain" !!! ???

Awesome.

smart primate said...

Yes I did.
What is so awesome about it?

ad libber said...

The fact that you killed all the budding romance in the poor girl.

tut, tut :P

smart primate said...

hmmm... had not thought about that...
oh! no.